Opening my eyes

Food is my frenemy. Frenemy is a friend who is really an enemy. Food I’ve put up with you long enough, and it’s time to break up.  It’s okay, you never really loved me the way I loved you.  And to add, we are never ever getting back together! I’ve had an unhealthy relationship with you. When I’m depressed, I try to fill a hole with you that you cannot fill. When I’m happy, I celebrate with you. When I’m bored, I just eat to pass the time. This has got to stop.  And I’m not eating the most horrible things- I’m eating too much. I’ve been eating too much.  I’m an emotional overeater. It’s a compulsive behavior, I know why I eat, and I know it’s bad. But I’m so ready for a change.

I fell a few weeks ago on my knee. And I really hurt myself- and I’m thinking trying to figure out why my knee popped and why it hurt so bad- and I can’t think of anything other than my weight. I tried to catch myself and with all my weight on my knee- it hyperextended and popped. I heard it and felt it. And my bones can’t support my weight. Needless to say, it was an eyeopener.

I watched this last season of The Biggest Loser, and I was thinking I should go on that show. Really? That was an actual thought, I considered it. Yep, I’m big enough to be on The Biggest Loser, I’m big enough to get gastric bypass. But why? Because food is my frenemy. I stepped on the scale for a Health Screening at work- and I’m 286 lbs.  I wasn’t always this big, and I wasn’t always fat. Yes, I said it, I’m fat. I’ve always been curvy, but I was toned I went to the gym, I walked everywhere- but now I’m fat. I have fat in places that I’ve never had before. My life is different now, I sit in traffic for 1+ hours in the morning, I sit all day at work, I sit 1.5+ hours in traffic on the way home, then I come home and sit to “unwind” from sitting on my ass all day. Yes I’m mentally drained. But, I know (from experience) when we exercise, it’s good for our body and mind. So I need to do this for myself and so that I can keep up with my little 1 year old son. He depends on me. I don’t want to show him it’s okay to be lazy and inactive. I want to be healthy, I want to run around and chase him and play- and right now it really is hard for me. He deserves better than that. He’s gonna love me no matter what, but I want to show him how to be healthy and to make good choices. It’s easy to eat, it’s easy to sit. I know this is going to be hard, and I know this is going to be a challenge. But I’m ready. I’ve been through a lot in my life and I am a strong person. I need to fight this frenemy. Bring it on food! You are not going to control me anymore. You’re going to be my bitch!

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4 responses to “Opening my eyes”

  1. ChampionChallenge2013 says :

    I enjoy watching the Biggest Loser too (it inspires me on days when I don’t feel good – I love Jillian!), but here are some reasons to be grateful you’re NOT on the show: http://www.thefrisky.com/2010-06-22/former-biggest-loser-contestant-reveals-the-big-fat-truth-about-the-sho/

    • naomisilas7 says :

      That’s interesting! WOW! I always wondered how they “Threw the Weigh in”? Also I wonder how do these people keep their jobs if they are on the Ranch for so long?

      • ChampionChallenge2013 says :

        The job question is my big one with almost every reality TV show! Not only the length of time, but also the embarrassing moments…

  2. naomisilas7 says :

    I wonder if they get paid for being there? Something is not right, because bills don’t stop. I’ve heard of some people quitting. But I have no idea.

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