Reorganize, Rearrange, Regroup.

So this week has been a whirlwind for me. So many ups and downs, it was very hard for me to focus on anything. I started this week off good. Monday was so great! My first interview was amazing! The second one, not so much. It was for a start up e-cigarette company… and I decided to stop pursuing it and withdraw my application. Maybe if I was single, maybe if I wasn’t trying to be a good healthy example to my son, maybe if I wasn’t coming from a Cancer Diagnosis Company? Maybe? How about NEVER. I’d never work for any tobacco company or product. Remember when that TRUTH campaign started in the late 90’s early 00’s? I was really big into it. I hate smoking. It’s disgusting… and no. I maybe tried it once when I was 21, and I did buy cigarettes for awhile, but that was mostly because my roommates smoked and I just used them as conversation pieces. I wouldn’t want to work at a company like that. Besides, they wanted a packaging designer/graphic designer/web designer – that seems like entirely too much work for one person… and for a start up? I need something I can rely on, that won’t work me raw- I have more important things in my life- leave that to the entry level kids. Not me.

Anyway, now that I’m done ranting. I did a great workout on Monday. Jillian Michaels kicked my butt, yet again. Tuesday I walked 2.5 miles at lunch, and planned to workout at home that night too. Everything was put on hold. My husband and I, I guess you can say had a heated “discussion”… he told me that he felt like I’d been neglecting or ignoring him. It took us about 2 days to resolve our feelings and get our heads straight. I’ve had a lot of things going on. I’m trying to tie up lose ends at my job, while getting everything ready to find a new one. And for a graphic designer- that means certain things like having your website, portfolio, resume, cover letter, and references – updated and designed. Your work represents you- and applicants are narrowed down before the interview process even begins. Because if a potential employer likes your portfolio- chances are- you’ll get an interview. I’ve been feeling an insane amount of pressure. Because, we’ve been living week to week, paycheck to paycheck – and we really can’t afford for me to be out of work too long. We’ll survive, bills will eventually get paid, and there’s always aid like unemployment and food stamps if we need them- but I don’t want to take a step back. I want to move forward. I feel like we’ve been through that already. So, while I’ve been focusing on doing all of this, my husband felt like I was ignoring him. He’s been doing his own thing and I didn’t get the feeling that he felt like that until he told me. No Bueno! It made me feel really bad, I’m a very empathetic person, and I know how it feels to be ignored- and it’s not a good feeling.

I read an article from the AIGA Communique, and it was about being a mommy and a designer. And I could not agree more with the blogger. I have 3 roles. Mommy, Wife and Designer. For the most part, Designer gets left at work. But lately with me trying to update my portfolio and resume, I’ve had to be in my designer role at home. And it’s very consuming. I have to be Mommy at home all the time, because my son is young and depends on me. And for some reason, my son only goes to his daddy when he wants to play, and to me for everything else. Wife, (not everyone’s wife role is the same) because we get paid weekly I have to stay on top of the bills and finances- a big job in itself… I know I’ve been neglecting some of this role. My husband and I take turns cleaning, and when it’s my turn- it goes for days because well- there’s more important things. And of course, there’s ME, a Mom’s most neglected and almost forgotten role… Mother’s always put themselves last, I’m no different… except of course I decided to make a serious commitment to myself- working out and being healthy, which takes up a lot of time. Another thing that I’ve been trying to tell my husband is that, we never spend time together with just us. This is a real problem, we do need alone time, besides traveling to and from work together. I explained my roles to him, and how I feel overwhelmed when there’s too much overlapping. We are going to try to go out and have a date night once a week. And he loves that I’m getting healthy- and doesn’t want me to stop. Now that my resume, and portfolio are updated, I won’t have to do that again for awhile. So things are sort of calming down.

So what do I do when I’m feeling completely overwhelmed and frazzled? I reorganize, rearrange, and regroup. And Wednesday night, I reorganized all my art supplies. It took awhile, I have so much. I know I need to start drawing and painting again- hopefully when I have this break from work- I’ll make an amazing piece of art. I did weigh myself on Wednesday but didn’t measure- and I really didn’t feel up to posting because my mind was so overwhelmed. But I’m down another 2 pounds! Yay!!! I might have gained some of that back, because I did buy and eat some chocolate. 😦 Not a lot, but I guess I feel like in Harry Potter, after the dementors you just need a pick me up that chocolate provides. I brought the rest to work to divvy out. And yesterday just put even more things into perspective for us.

While we were driving on the freeway, on our way to drop our son off at daycare – then head to work… the hood of our car popped up and smashed our windshield! It was completely shattered- but they are made to not break into a million pieces and stay together.  Glass was falling on mine and my husband laps. I shrieked, and I guess my son said “Uh Oh”… my husband is thankfully a good driver and the freeway wasn’t as packed as it normally is – so he was able to have enough time to react and get over safely. Because the hood was up and obstructing the view- we couldn’t see what was in front of us at all! The windshield began caving in, so the rear-view mirror was too  low for him to see out of. I hit the hazard lights. So we had a very unexpected day off! My husband found a shoestring in the trunk and tied the hood down and thankfully we were only 1 exit away from our apartment. We got home safely. Then we had to decide how to get the money to get the windshield replaced… so we did a payday advance for the first time in our lives… and since our payday is today, we can pay it off with no interest! Yay us! hahaha…. We found the nearest repair shop and took it there. The man there, said that the same thing happened to a man about a month ago, but he was going 80 mph and he died. So that puts our whole lives in perspective. It could have been so much worse! We could’ve hit a car in front of us, a car behind us could’ve smashed into us- because we had to hit the breaks and we couldn’t see- or both could’ve happened. But thankfully none of that happened. We are happy, and intact with our lives. So from the repair shop we walked to a nearby park and played. Then made our way back to pick up our car.  After we got home, after getting lunch and running some errands. My husband and I rearranged the living room and bedroom. We have so much more space! Then we went for a hike after my son woke up from his nap. 1.16 miles- but we went uphill 3 times. I’m glad to have made it to this job for my last day. There’s a lot in store for us. Today will be better than yesterday.  But for now, we decided to buy a new car, because we think this one is cursed.


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