Overwhelmed & Unfocused.

So the title of this post has been just that. I’ve been overwhelmed with life, and unfocused on my goals. I’m not proud of myself. I’ve been trying to visualize my goal – but life is getting in the way of that. I haven’t had much time to do anything – I’m not in a routine. Don’t get me wrong – I was, but we had a setback and now we are down to 1 car again… bleh. In life – there’s always going to be setbacks, but it’s hard not to let these things effect our routine – you just have to roll with the punches.

One thing I am not proud of is… I’ve been eating way too much! yes. and I’ve been only doing 1 shake a day. I haven’t lost any weight since my last recorded weigh-in. I’ve gained some weight back – which is weird because my pants fit me looser? So maybe it’s muscle, but I’m not going to pretend to be totally naive about it… Also, when your head isn’t right (and I’ve mentioned this before)… you can’t commit 100% to something. Especially something like a lifestyle change. As much as I’m not willing to admit this- I have to accept it- the fallout with my sister has left me very confused and sometimes something will make me think of her or my nieces and I just get mad about the whole situation because I don’t understand it.

The only workouts I’ve been doing are walks and hikes – and maybe it’s a good thing that those hikes burn so many calories…? I’ve fallen into old habits. I’ve been trying to eat to make myself feel better. I know that food can’t feel the hole that my sister left in me. No matter how good it tastes or smells… I shouldn’t overeat. If you’ve ever been an emotional or compulsive eater… you’ll always have the ability to relapse. My goal isn’t to be skinny or fit into a certain size. I just want to be healthy for my height. I don’t want to be diabetic, or have high blood pressure or cholesterol. That’s my goal. I will never be “skinny” and I wouldn’t want to be… I don’t have a small frame – being thin would look awkward on me. Toned, fit, healthy, athletic – those will all look good on me. I have a great frame for those things. I see the Special K commercials – and I love them. One of the best Ad Campaigns out there. “What will you gain when you lose?” And the commercials talk about clothes not having a size – and having awesome descriptive words instead. Women and the media stress too much about size and numbers on a scale… I’m not saying I don’t care about weight- I think I’m conscious about it… but my goal isn’t to be a number and I like the ad’s because of that. I think more women should have a goal to be healthy for their height instead of a certain number… besides weight or lack of weight looks different on everyone.

I’m going to try to build my momentum back up to where I was in June. I have to shake this negativity and this confusion… and get back on track. I was doing really good. And now I feel slumpy and lethargic. And that’s because of the food I’ve been putting into my body, and because I haven’t been using all the energy that my body is storing. I also noticed – that my injured knee that put me on this weight-loss journey – has began to hurt again… probably due to the lack of exercise. Maybe I should take that as a sign? It may be my “Prodigal Knee”? I’m going to ease back into everything… starting with 2 Body by Vi Shakes a day… TODAY! My second challenge ends at the end of this month – and I know I’m not going to meet my goal of being under 200lbs. But I’m going get as close as possible to 200lbs as I can.

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