So I want to talk about something that I think happens to fat people that doesn’t get talked about very often.
The assumption that “fat people are lazy”
Just because someone is overweight, obese, or fat whatever you want to call it – doesn’t mean they are lazy! Unless you are with someone 24/7 and know what they do all the time you don’t know if they are lazy. You don’t know what that person did to become overweight.
For example I am overweight not because I am lazy – but because I overeat. I’ve been through a lot of trauma in my life and eating has been my way to deal with it. Not the best thing to do – but hey most people become addicted to drugs or alcohol when you’ve been through the shit I’ve been though.
I’ve always been a hard worker – but I noticed having been up and down with my weight that being overweight in a corporate world – fucking sucks. People assume that you are lazy. You are too lazy to lose weight so you must be too lazy to do your job or hire you for a new one.
I’ve been passed up for a job I was more than qualified for and I feel slightly like it was because of how I look. I’m a designer – so I guess how I look is weighed more heavily than how my designs are. Which is so shitty and backwards – but when you are essentially “the face” for a company and deal with branding – you have to “fit” the brand.
I’ve felt this way more than once in my career. And let me be the first one to say – it feels so shitty. And I will also say, I have a list of people that aren’t the nicest people to me now – and I know of at least two people that will probably be nicer to me when I lose more weight. I could put money on it. There are truly so many superficial people in the world. And maybe I don’t dress as nice as I should – but I’m a contractor and I don’t get paid enough to have a budget for clothes. Not to mention the bigger you are – the more expensive your clothes – which is pretty shitty too.
This is something that I constantly go back and forth with in my head. And this isn’t motivation for me to lose weight but a deterrent. I don’t want to be friends with or want someone to be nice to me because I’m pretty and small. Be nice to me because I’m a good person, because I’ve lived through shit, because I’m nice, because I’m a great designer, because I’m a good mom, because I’m a hard-worker.
But I have my list, and I know who the fake people are – they say “elephants never forget” which is a shitty way to say that fat people don’t forget.
You know why people don’t forget that you mistreated them? BECAUSE YOU MISTREATED THEM – IT HAS ABSOLUTELY NOTHING TO DO WITH WEIGHT!!!!
So, I’ve been doing good. Logging my food everyday. I made a lot of changes and even though my dietician said I have 1300 calories a day – my daily net calorie intake has been around 1000-1100. I know that my home scale isn’t as accurate as the one at the doctors office… but at home I was weighing around 305 lbs, and the number has been dropping steadily and this morning it was 284! So I’ve lost around 20 lbs in one week. I was curious to how the fat leaves my body since – I haven’t been working out just changing the way I eat and what I put in my body… I read it may be related to lose stools too…. TMI? Maybe.
Here are some links I found.
So with all this information in my head… we went to the grocery store yesterday. We stocked up on a lot of healthy options – especially things everyone can enjoy. One thing that I am cutting is carbs – I’m trying to eat even less than the recommended amount. I heard and read that once I’m able to eat normally after my surgery – eating pasta, rice and bread may be nearly impossible as it expands in your stomach. I heard it’s uncomfortable – but it may take up needed space in my stomach for protein or other nutrients. I’m a fan of wraps, but I decided to try sandwich thins (100 calories per 2 slices)… I can get down with that. They taste really good too. I was making a sandwich with rotisserie chicken and I pulled out the mayonnaise… then it dawned on me – the last time I lost a bunch of weight I didn’t give up mayo… In fact ever since I tasted real Mayonnaise (I grew up on Miracle Whip)… I’ve never thought about life without it. I have never looked at the label on the back of the Hellman’s until yesterday. 90 calories per 1 tablespoon. It was almost a full jar – but I had to throw it out. I made my sandwich with yellow mustard instead (0 calories)… I texted my husband. I said “I can’t eat mayonnaise… I had to throw it out… RIP Mayonnaise”… then he replied “What is mayonnaise anyway?” and honestly I couldn’t tell him. He doesn’t eat mayonnaise, he likes thousand island on everything. I went to the store today to get honey mustard, but I was surprised there were other kinds of mustard that I haven’t tried before. I guess I will be a mustard connoisseur from now on. I couldn’t add almost 200 calories to my sandwich (because I’ll be honest I don’t like a dry sandwich!)… 200 calories would be more than the chicken I ate or more than the sandwich thins! I couldn’t do that to myself. I have to shrink my liver before surgery, and I need to make better choices for myself.
So RIP Mayonnaise, I can do better without you.
This morning, I decided to clean out the cabinets. Even though I had throwing food away – if I, or my family aren’t or shouldn’t eat it – it got thrown away. My husband would like to bake a cake and cookies… but I’m not sure how I feel about it… the cake not so much, but the cookies. That’s probably my treat of choice.
I’m currently on a strict diet to get ready for surgery. I’m allotted 1300 calories a day or less. Which breaks down to 40% carbohydrates or less, 30% fat or less and 30% protein or more a day. I actually was 45% carbs and 25% protein but I changed it in myfitnesspal. I was told that once I have surgery and am able to eat food again – pasta, rice and bread will be hard to eat because it expands in your stomach. So, I’m saying goodbye to them now and going back to my previous diet of really limiting carbs. And as much as I love potatoes, I’m going to make better choices with them.
This morning my husband and son enjoyed cinnamon rolls (one of the foods that was in the refrigerator)… and I opted for my BodyByVi nutrition shake made with 4oz of water and 4oz of milk. The dietician said I can have low-fat milk, which I was excited about. Even though Almond, soy and coconut milk are good – I always get tired of them and crave milk. As long as I limit my intake to 8oz a day or less, I’ll be ok. I’ll be switching the family to 1%, but for now mixing water and 2% will be ok for me. I also added cinnamon and nutmeg to my shake… that’s like a cinnamon roll – right? The dietician also said that the BodyByVi nutritional shakes have a good source of protein/low fat and they actually are on the shelf of their health store.
If you are interested in being friends with me on myfitnesspal – naomisilas7
I feel like this is a confession, and maybe it is. But I haven’t been doing well, and I haven’t been holding myself accountable. I was just re-reading a few of my old posts… and how did I fall so far off-track? The lifestyle I was so proud to change, has spiraled out of control and has left me in an even worst place than where I started.
After my last post – I will never forget. It was my son’s 3rd birthday and I started having chest pains. Horribly bad chest pains. I thought it was a heart attack. After being rushed to the ER, I found out it was Costochondritis. Which is inflammation of the junctions where the upper ribs join the cartilage that holds them to the breastbone (sternum). Caused by stress, and more common in women. Still, my doctor wanted to do a ton of tests because of my family history of Heart Disease. This lasted a few months, I even have drafts of updates to this blog about it – though I never posted. It was hard to go though, and my doctor even suggested bariatric surgery to me. He told me “to lose all the weight you need to, it would take you 10 years.” Not very optimistic – that guy, though he had a point. It was hard to hear and even harder to talk about. At the time I was about 270lbs. I had just yo-yo’ed back “up”…
December 2014, my husband and I decided to relocate our family to Michigan. We made the move at the end of January 2015.
Another year goes by, and I was up and down between 255 and 280, skirting with 300 lbs. Super stressed out, and not at all finding the light at the end of the tunnel. I lost my way. I started a lot of things, but didn’t follow through. I lost my motivation, and my optimistic attitude that I once had.
Around November 2015, I decided – maybe I can’t do it all by myself? I start looking into bariatric surgery. I went to a free seminar just for more information. I didn’t know how it worked, I admit – I thought it was the lazy way out. After seeing all the information, and looking up more information on the internet about how it works… I decided to follow-up with a doctor.
This was a hard decision. My husband didn’t understand what I’d be doing. But he was in support of me, and went with me to the follow-up appointment. I had a lot of measurements done. I’m currently around 305 lbs and seeing that and that my current fat % is 48.2, was a serious wake-up call. Literally almost half of me is fat.
So here I am today, blogging. I had 3 appointments yesterday. One with a dietician, one with a behaviorist, and one with my surgeon. It was good to be around so many positive people. This is what they do, they help people in my situation. And I realized, that not everyone is the same. Some people, like me – need help to not just to lose weight – but really to keep it off. That has been my problem. Now, I will have many tools to help me reach a healthy weight.
For me, this hasn’t been about being hot/skinny or anything like that. If I think about my reason – it has always been my son and the hope of having more children. Which hasn’t been able to happen because of my severely obese weight.
The behaviorist mentioned, that the one thing she hears over and over is that so many people have one regret – They wish they had done it sooner… So it’s good, that I’m doing this while I’m young and more and more people are.
I’m changing my life, this year. So, with that Happy New Year!